Stranger Than Fiction is a series exploring the nuances of modern work through satire and fiction.
Welcome to CheckedOut, the world's largest professional network for the emotionally fatigued. We’re thrilled to welcome you to our global community of existentially flustered nine-to-fivers, all of whom have wondered: Who am I, what is my life, and what am I doing in this thankless, draining, beige-tinted job when I could be raising alpacas in the Andes, working as a windsurfing instructor in beautiful Saint-Tropez, or exploring another career opportunity rooted entirely in my most fleeting interests?
Our Mission
The mission of CheckedOut is simple: connect the world’s professionals with dreamy employment opportunities they can browse while riding the commuter train sandwiched between a screaming infant and a man who is completely nude from the waist down. CheckedOut is for you if you’ve ever:
- Worried that you’re climbing the wrong career ladder
- Daydreamed about Full Nelson-ing the office braggart and skipping town, never to be heard from again
- Wondered if dune buggy mechanics get a 401k match
- Wanted to quit your fast-paced marketing job to become the proprietor of a tiny pub on a remote Scottish isle where the only year-round residents are sheep and one jolly old-timer named Fergus Butterscotch. Yes, that job is still accepting applications; no, it does not include PTO for sheep bite recovery. Please do not pet the sheep.
What We Offer
CheckedOut’s robust suite of services will help you explore your true potential outside of a traditional nine-to-five. After all, you’re already burned out when it comes to your day job, your side hustle, your passions, and your hobbies—why not commodify the things you're only vaguely curious about? Your CheckedOut membership includes:
- A fast-growing jobs board. You’ve always been interested in crabs—why not apply to a seasonal role as a lighthouse keeper? Or, ooh: a hiking guide! You hiked once! Wait, hey—you like beer, right? With a few clicks, you could hand in your resignation letter and jet off to New Zealand to work as a brewery dishwasher and sleep on a cot next to the 100-barrel hop fermenter. Either way, exploring our jobs board can take you from “miserably employed” to “miserably employed, but with hiccups.”
- Helpful content. Our robust content library includes blogs from today’s most impactful thought leaders. Browse topics like “Sure, You Could Probably Open a Fudge Store” and “Deworming Cattle: Less Demoralizing Than Scheduling Tweets!”
- Networking. Our internal messaging platform allows you to reach out to professional connections—like Suzette from high school, who used to have really bad body odor but now works as a zipline guide in the Poconos and seems to have endless free time to paint pretty rocks. That could be you!
- Convenient push notifications. Download our app to stay abreast of openings at that cute ceramics studio down the street with the lackluster safety standards. You’re pretty strong—seems like you could haul yourself out of a vat of molten clay no problem. Plus, cool aprons!
What’s Next?
Well, friend, that’s up to you. You could sit there hunched at your desk, keeping an eye on your employer-issued HSA and googling “how to quit job and meet horse”—or you could use CheckedOut to score a job as a ranch hand and replace your tasteful khakis with a pair of chaps. Scared of horses? No problem. You could… do whatever park rangers do. We’re not sure, but we know it involves a little Jeep. Scared of Jeeps? That’s a problem. A lot of our job listings involve Jeeps.
Either way, CheckedOut is here to connect you to the job you’ve always dreamed of—or at least a job that won’t make you want to plunge screaming into the sea. Sure, all jobs have their downsides; agricultural workers are underpaid and exposed to harmful chemicals, the outdoor tourism industry is famously unstable, and fishmongers have to deal with guts. And sure, you may not have the skills to keep up with the fast-paced life of a Moroccan weaver’s assistant. But if you’re feeling burned by the rigidity of corporate life, CheckedOut offers countless opportunities to seek self-actualization via… another job. We’d unpack that, but we’re too busy offering you one month of Premium for free!
Join CheckedOut today!
